It seems the worst is over, then it starts again.
|I never thought
I would stop crying, it went on for hours, then days, into weeks.
After that, started the rage. Now I completely understand the bumper
sticker, "I'm without estrogen and I have a gun". Then I
hit a point of apathy to anything..
I've visited this site several times in the past few months, always feeling
too rotten to express my own story. Just when I think things are better
and the worst is over, it seems to start again. I guess my best advice
to any woman suffering is to keep searching until you get results. The
other would be not to listen to other people unless they actually have
been through what you are going through.
It’s almost a year since the beginning of my hell. It started
with a continual series of vaginal/uterine infections, resulting from
a possible miscarriage. In three months time I was on eight different
antibiotics. After being sent to a wonderful surgeon and doctor for what
was thought to be a fistula causing the infections, it was determined
it wasn't. None of the antibiotics worked, so I had a D&C done to
try to regroup. Within a few days I was in the ER with the worst bladder
infection of my life.
Sure enough, after an antibiotic to clear that up, I got yet another
infection. The decision was made to do a complete hysterectomy. At that
point, I didn't know, nor did I care, what the consequences would be,
I just wanted to quit being in so much pain. I was adamant not to go on
hormones for fear of weight gain and other side effects.
Coming off the Vicodin after the surgery was the worst. I had no idea
what people go through when addicted to drugs. So I decided to go the
natural way, against the advice of my doctor. I quickly started the natural
supplements. Although I didn’t know what it was at first, the first
symptoms of surgical menopause started immediately after stopping the
People make fun of women with hot flashes, but it is no laughing matter.
Of course, my family and I tried to joke about it as I tried to get through,
but after having a hot flash every other minute, each one lasting a minute,
and not getting any sleep through it all, wore me down quickly. Then the
crying started. How can one person's body lose so much water without becoming
dehydrated!! I never thought I would stop crying, it went on for hours,
then days, into weeks. After that, started the rage. Now I completely
understand the bumper sticker, "I'm without estrogen and I have a
gun." Then I hit a point of apathy to anything. My give-a-crap factor
was out the window. I was ready to quit my job, actually gave my notice,
couldn't care less about my husband, kids, family, or whether I killed
the barking dog next door (or the ex's).
I finally threw away the fear of weight gain and other horrible side
effects, ignored the advice of well-meaning family and friends that, "we
did it without drugs and so can you", I went to a doctor and got
bioidentical hormones. Within a week I started feeling better and each
day was one step closer to normal. Over the holidays I was still battling
depression although the other things were better (hot flashes, rage, etc).
So I started on Effexor to try to balance things out.
Between the hormones and the Effexor I didn't know if I was coming or
going. I was exhausted yet couldn't sleep. The next couple months involved
trial and error to find the right dosages of everything. My body reacts
immediately to any form of drug in my system, and it wasn't liking any
of it. Now, three months later, I think we are much closer. We eliminated
the progesterone completely, I'm on a very small dose of estrogen and
testosterone (hey, without that testosterone there is no sex-drive at
all), and a small dose of Effexor.
After figuring out that the natural supplement taken at night magnified
the depression and the regular dose of two daytime tablets gave me a migraine,
I am still taking only one tablet of the daytime Estroven. My cell phone
is set to beep every time I need to take one of my meds as they are all
spread out through the day, otherwise, we all know I'd forget as the brain
cells are just not the same after surgical menopause.
I still suffer pain almost daily, that has not been tracked down to a
cause. I've been through two CT's and I don't know how many other tests.
I still got another vaginal infection, then a bout of yeast infection
that wouldn't go away. What's the cause of it all? That remains to be
In the meantime I'm thankful I haven't killed anyone, and I'm more like
my old self (as much as possible through the pain). I still have my job,
and my husband and kids haven't left me through it all. My prayer is that
we find some answers and get more true results for the pain.
It sucks to be 35, having my body go down hill everyday more and more.
Who would have guessed? But for those of you still suffering, don't give
up. Keep trying, go to whatever doctors you have to, and keep on keeping
on until you find the results you need for you. Be proactive with your
And you know what, who cares that our moms and grandmothers did it without
hormones or drugs. We aren't them! And quite frankly, maybe their lives
would have been better had they had some of the things we take advantage
After all, raising our children and living in the times we do is nothing
like what it was for them. We are a new generation, there is so much out
there that can help us to live our lives to the fullest and not have to
suffer everyday. Does it make it perfect? No! But it's a lot better than
it was a few months ago without the meds.
For more information about hysterectomy:
- HERS Foundation
(Hysterectomy Educational Resources & Services) is an independent,
nonprofit women's health education organization providing accurate information
about hysterectomy, its adverse effects and alternative treatments.
Awareness, a website dedicated to raising awareness about hysterectomy
as well as providing support and resources about the subject.
Uteri, a forum for the discussion of the physical and emotional
challenges that can be caused by hysterectomy.
- Hystersisters, a woman
to woman support website for hysterectomy recovery. This group offers
resources and kindness so that visitors can discover options and make
decisions for themselves.
For more information about managing your menopause: