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What Helped My Libido Return

I feel like a whole person again. The libido isn't close to what it was when I was in my 20s, but I can accept that because it's SO much better now.... and who has time for sex every day anyhow?!

I went for YEARS suffering untold anguish because I no longer liked sex, hated it, couldn't enjoy it. But I did do it for my husband's sake, hating it all the while, hating him for wanting it, hating myself for hating it and him, and at the same time, feeling so sorry for him, and for myself over what I had lost, what we had lost.

This is a very dirty trick Mother Nature plays on us. She gives us a wonderful gift, we spend years learning how to use it, fine-tuning it, teaching our partner(s) how to get peak performance for both of us....and then when we get really good at it, she takes it away! What a cruel trick...

The odd part was that I was able to have orgasms, but it was a matter of mechanics, if you did something long enough you got a predictable response. In no way did any orgasm ever help me to look forward to sex the next time, or even want to tolerate it.

It was torture to be that way, not only because I truly ached to enjoy sex again for myself, but also because I knew what it did to our relationship, knew what it did to my wonderful loving husband's self-esteem, I hated hurting him, but I was helpless to do anything about it.

I read that sarsaparilla would help and started taking it. It's an herb found at health food stores in a capsule or pill form. And it DID help, (I also had some wild adventuresome dreams at night which were kind of fun) but there was something just not quite right, something missing, it just didn't feel like me.

Then I heard about DHEA and decided to try it. I stopped taking the sarsaparilla several few weeks before starting the DHEA. I've made the mistake in the past of starting a couple of things at the same time and then not knowing which one was doing what. I was a little leery about taking it and started with the lowest dose I could find.

After a few weeks I really hadn't noticed any change. By then I had heard about pregnenolone, so I stopped taking the DHEA and started taking the pregnenolone, again, low dose. After a couple of weeks I thought there was a small improvement but nothing to wave flags and set off firecrackers about.

A few weeks later I started taking the DHEA again, THEN there was most definitely a difference. I thought I was getting a yeast infection and then realized, no, that's not a yeast infection.... that's LUBRICATION! First time I'd had any of my own for several years! And I was having dreams about sex again.

When I ran out of DHEA or pregnenolone and had to get more, I got a higher dosage until I was up to either 25 or 30 mg and that's what I now take daily...... when I remember. I have erotic dreams again, I enjoy sex—not like I did when I was in my 20s—but a whole lot more than I did a couple of years ago. I have orgasms faster and easier than I have ever had in my entire life. Once in a while we use Astro-Glide just for fun, but I have plenty of my own lubrication again.

I do make sure I get pharmaceutical grade DHEA & pregnenolone. I think the brand I usually get is Bioforce or something like that. And it seems to take the combination of the two, neither one alone did much, but together. I feel like a whole person again. The libido isn't close to what it was when I was in my 20s but I can accept that because it's SO much better now.... and who has time for sex every day anyhow?!

If ever I decide to take prescription HRT it will probably be because I decide to try some testosterone, but for now, the results I've gotten with DHEA and pregnenolone are very satisfactory.

The first time I talked about the issue of libido here [menopaus discussion list], it was very difficult to do. Our sexuality is such an important part of us, admitting to losing it is like admitting to some horrible crime, to not being normal, being deformed in some way, not being a whole person, something to be ashamed and embarrassed about.

And after those years of suffering with it, it was a very painful subject anyhow. But I didn't want to be a part of perpetuating the myth that simply taking part in sex—whether you like it or not—would help anyone keep their sexuality. It's just not true.

Worse, it completely glosses over and dismisses how very deeply some of us suffer over this problem. One more example of how the medical community lets women down, how little even the so-called experts know about how our bodies function.

Judy B, Hershey, PA






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Updated  05/15/2010